Asking someone out online is an art not a science. There are obviously things you can do to boost your chances of a “yeah I’d be happy to meet up” reply but it’s never a sure thing. In this article I’ll cover the key things to ensure when asking someone to meet up in person for a first date.
1. “Hey David, I know right. I’d have expected there to be loads more like us! I got into 2. Origami during my time in Japan, what an amazing country it is. How did you start?”
Let’s hope for #1’s! They’ve sent you a personalised reply using your (real) name. They’ve connected with you using the word “us”, referenced their time in Japan and asked you a question! All in I’d say you’ve got something solid to build on with this one. (Details of your reply to number #1 will follow in the next article).
Happy Dating all!
So if you’re able, do consider setting up multiple dates – for all you know, the person you’re meeting may be doing exactly the same themselves!
Merry Christmas from The Dating Guru
1. Text length – It’s a common misconception with the profile text that the more you write the more chance there is that someone will connect with something you’ve written. Also, if you’re an intellectual you’re likely to fall into the trap of writing too much, given studies have shown the higher the IQ the more text that person writes on their profile page – I guess there’s “smarts” and then there’s “Dating Smarts” 😉 So adhere to this rule. Your profile should be around 100 words. If you’re looking for a clue, that’s about as long as this paragraph. So, not a lot. But with online dating, less is most certainly more.
2. The construct of your profile – A mistake I see time and time again is that people talk about themselves, the entire time. The profile text needs to be a balance between who you are and what you’re looking for. It’s easily done I know but forgetting to include a short section that states a little about the other person is essential to increasing your response rate. Dig deep and think about the qualities that are important to you in a partner (often I think people don’t include this section because they simply haven’t spent time establishing what these key qualities are). Don’t write a long list, but write two or three that are the most important to you and perhaps a quick few reasons as to why. Finally, there’s little value in writing about the type of physical characteristics you’re attracted to in a partner unless these are absolute deal breakers for you. (For example, you’re 6ft tall and simply not interested in a man who is shorter than you). If you’re the one doing the messaging then you’re able to determine this, from looking at their profile. Writing “I really like girls / guys with dark eyes” is likely to turn you off to all people and kill your response rate.
3. Language – An easy way to boost your response rate is to ensure you include at least a few of the following words. “Fun”, “love”, “family”, “heart”, “children”, “romantic” and “relationship.” People who use these words get more responses. Fact. Don’t get carried away and start writing them arbitrarily, and if you’re not a romantic person for example I’d perhaps not list that on your profile just to get the word in!
4. About you – the first section of your profile text needs to be about you. It should include what type of person you are (a fun-loving, romantic, with a big heart who loves children – just kidding) and some of your interests. A word of advice on these points. Firstly, it makes better sense not to be too specific about your interests. For example, by all means state you’re into football but there’s no benefit in you naming the team you support. Someone who’s also interested in football will likely reply, but if they see you support a rival team this might cause them to think twice. That’d obviously be quite annoying if that were the case but I’m pretty convinced that both guys and girls end up ruling themselves out simply because they list too many specifics within their interests and please remember that users don’t necessarily have a lot of time to decide whether to reply, there are a lot of other potential matches out there and often these choices are made on gut feel rather than logic. The same applies to naming bands you’re into, TV programmes, artists etc.
Finally, be sure to include some things in your profile which give rise to questions. If you’ve followed the above there should be suitable opportunity for a reader to ask you something about what you’ve written but it helps if you’ve included things in your profile which naturally give rise to questions. An example might be writing:
“I consider myself level-headed apart from having the stupidest phobia ever!”
The Dating Guru
Whether you get messages coming in or not, you must ensure that you’re doing your bit to undertake a search yourself. You cannot rely on messages received from other users (especially if you’re a guy).
Most sites provide the ability to search based on various criteria. These will include physical attributes such as body-type, height, etc and also things like geographical location, what the other person is looking for and no doubt countless other things. Visit the website for the full detailed article which includes my killer tips on how to ensure you limit your rejections.
Happy Dating all!
Missed the others in the Internet Dating Series? Click the link to read them for free.
The Rookies Guide to Internet Dating continues with today’s post provide useful insight into the all important Profile Picture…
Unfortunately, people judge things on appearance. Internet dating can be quite a tough business and whilst I do appreciate there are people out there who aren’t happy about how they look for many different reasons, the trap many daters fall into is not including a photo of them on their profile. As a result even the best written profile text will go to waste as you need someone to form a connection with you based on “the whole package” and a big part of this includes what you look like. There is absolutely no stigma attached to internet dating as there was years ago, it’s a totally acceptable way to meet people so it simply doesn’t matter if someone you know happens to see you on a dating site. If anything they’ll be positively impressed by your great photo and awesome profile text! So I’d implore you even if you have reservations to please add a profile pic. If you don’t believe what a difference it makes, gauge the change in response rate before and after you add one.
There are a few no-no’s when it comes to photos:
- No bed selfie’s
- No photos that don’t show your face
- No photo you’re not happy about – you must be happy with the photo you’re putting up. If you’re not, it doesn’t deserve to go up on a dating site.
Welcome all. Over the course of the next few posts I’ll be taking you through the various aspects of your profile to assist in your Internet Dating journey. Today, the Username.
Please be sensible here people. No one likes a smart alec and anything coarse or rude is simply not acceptable. The username should perhaps be a quick way of describing you and could always be a good question for another user to ask you / you to ask them about the choice. People don’t tend to just pick the first word that comes into their head – usually the username will have some kind of significance to the user who chose it (it is the user name after all. You wouldn’t call yourself “crap-bag” would you?).
One of the biggest mistakes people who are new to internet dating make is their profile text. This is such a crucial area with Dating Online and often will be the “clincher” between a reply or no reply (and with Internet Dating, all replies count!). The thing to remember with your profile text is that this is the shop window to you. Male or female you’re competing with thousands of other singletons and it’s therefore really important to ensure that you make your profile count.
Before we go any further though let’s talk aims. What is the point of the profile text? If you’ve never asked this question (because most people would consider this too much of a rudimentary question to ask), then ponder that for a second. Did you just write the text because there was a space to fill? Did the dating site you’re on state you couldn’t leave it blank? Did you just write the first few things that came to mind when you were signing up in a tipsy state late one evening? The point of the profile text is simply to ensure you give yourself the best opportunity to get a reply. That’s it. All you need to do is ensure that when someone reads it, they say “yeah, they seem like the type of person I’d like to get to know better”. Once you’re clear on this aim, you’ll make better decisions about what you write – my top tips on doing so are discussed in detail in my website article.
I’ve listed the key things to things to be mindful of when writing your profile:
1. Word count
2. Profile balance
4. The “About You” section
To read the full article which explains the four points above in much more detail head over to TheDatingGuru website (provide your email address to become a Guru follower to access this content). As a bonus, I’ve also included secret ways to boost your response rate 😉
Happy Dating all!
In a new series of posts the Dating Guru provides a Rookies Guide to setting out on the journey of Dating Online…
It’s important when setting out with Internet Dating that you choose your dating site wisely. I’ve provided my top three dating sites and have listed these on my website. You can access the full review of my top three websites for free here and I’ve also provided suggestions on which Dating Site would suit you best.
I’d recommend checking it out as there are a number of key things to consider when choosing a dating site. Firstly, you’ve got to decide whether you’re prepared to pay to be a member. Some sites are totally free to use and place no restrictions on messaging, others practically force you into signing up as a paid member before you’re able to communicate with other users. Finally, you’re dating site choice should depend on how much time you’re prepared to invest in dating. Some sites will take a lot of the hard work out for you.
Additionally, a word of advice. I’d recommend choosing one of the main sites and sticking with them solely (read my review to ensure you choose the right one!). It can look a little desperate if members of other sites continue to see you on more than one site and if you choose one of the larger sites, you’ll be assured that you won’t have to look elsewhere for a good number of potential matches.
Happy Dating all!
In a new series of featured articles, the Dating Guru provides his comments on the most popular dating posts of recent times…
#2 With over 100,00 shares, The End of Small Talk published in the New York Times, written by Tim Boomer.
The End of Small Talk centres around Tim’s longing for real connections and a new rule he decided to practice, replacing chit-chat with what he termed “big talk”, focusing solely on talking about our deepest thoughts and feelings, rather than what the weather has been up to lately.
Having read the article I was immediately struck by the similarities in theme to my first post regarding Melissa Moeller’s article, which centered around how frustrating it was that people wouldn’t text back straight away and that daters didn’t feel they could tell another dater how they really feel about someone – that they liked that person. The key theme across both posts is the sense of underlying frustration with the current way in which the dating game is played.
What Tim suggests is that the perceived barriers towards getting to something real should be removed. He argues this would make the dating world a better place for the singletons who currently inhabit it. On this basis let’s have an app-race (similar to an arms race but with more tech and less bloodshed) to see who can release an app that provides this? What about a cross-between Snapchat and Tinder where people swipe to find a match and then send them a short video asking something profound, which is then deleted forever without a trace. I’ll call it Snapder. An app where chit-chat and small talk is banned. Snapder delivers instant deep connections based on physical attraction. Shall I start the bidding at 1 billion dollars? 😉
Well the problem here is that whilst I do understand why, in today’s increasingly superficial “Insta-grat” culture, people are craving something real, Tim and Melissa are missing the point. Dating is a process. If you don’t like the way the game is played and you want to change your set of rule by bringing a coconut to a date (though that guy sounds like a nutter to me…get it?), then that’s fine and I hope you manage to find someone, but you’ve got to know that having a day-long date with someone that results in deep and meaningfuls until 4am will not put the “relationship” on any surer of a footing than the same two people sharing a coffee for an hour on a rainy Sunday afternoon. If anything it only acts to weaken the possibility that that connection could over time, mature and grow into something solid and dare I say it, real. Love needs time to grow and will not be forced or circumvented.
The modern dating scene seems to be having an interesting impact on the new generation of daters (let’s call them the Facebook generation for want of a better label) although I will state for the record that Tim is not necessarily within this category given his age. This generation have been blessed with superfast internet since they were old enough to type “www.” and had a mobile phone since school. As such, they expect instant connection, instant feedback, and maybe even instant love? I feel for them as the posts I’m referencing really do convey the acute angst they’re going through. But dating is hard enough without attempts to amend the existing rule set. Ask any singleton and they’ll agree I’m sure!
Wanting to shortcut what should be a natural set of “getting-to-know-someone-phases”, by removing the bits that are perceived to be extraneous waste is not the answer – these things are a necessary part of the process and have as much significance as the deep and meaningful stuff. If anything they could be considered more significant given their very presence enables the deep and meaningfuls to take place naturally, when the time is right.
As for Snapder, I guess it’s rather unfortunate for me that you can’t copyright an idea!
Happy Dating everyone!
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The article mentioned was published on the 14/01/2016 and can be found here: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/17/fashion/dating-the-end-of-small-talk.html